


Bleeding Hearts

by Sinedra



Series: Kallia Tabris [5]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Origins - Awakening
Genre: Anger, Assassination Attempt(s), Cheating, City Elf Origin, Confessions, Drunken Confessions, Elf/Human Relationship(s), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hurt No Comfort, Kissing, One-Sided Attraction, One-Sided Relationship, Rejection, Revenge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-22
Updated: 2015-08-22
Packaged: 2018-04-16 14:20:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4628487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sinedra/pseuds/Sinedra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nathaniel gets drunk and tries, unsuccessfully, to kill the Warden-Commander. The situation gets turned around when he admits attraction to her. He believes that he finally has a chance, but Kallia cannot let Alistair go so easily.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bleeding Hearts

He was really doing this, an unbelievable second attempt, he was truly going to kill the Hero of Ferelden. He leaned over Kallia’s sleeping body with his dagger gripped tightly in his palm; the tip of the blade pressed against the thin scar on her neck. She stirred with a whimper and her eyes fluttered open to stare at Nathaniel. He felt his breath leave him as those lovely green eyes grew bright with recognition.

“Nathaniel?”

“Shh,” he placed a finger over her lips, noticing just how soft they were. “Please, don’t speak. It’ll make it so much harder.”

She leaned forward on her elbows, the moonlight glittering off the rings in her ears. Her coppery hair falling in waves behind her shoulders. Had he ever seen it down before? She seemed to feel the pressure of the dagger as those eyes glanced down and followed the curve of his arm, finally meeting his eyes again. “Nathaniel, what in Andraste’s name are you doing?” Her nose wrinkled, “Have you been drinking?”

“I-I’m,” he swallowed thickly as he felt himself starting to lose conviction. Suddenly, he jumped off of Kallia and threw the dagger into the wall. What had he been thinking? Maker, if he did this he would be no better than his father. “I wanted to kill you.”

“Because I killed your father?” As before, her voice was carefully neutral. Kallia was skilled at keeping her feelings hidden when in high-stressed situations. She had to be furious though, absolutely outraged.

“That,” he admitted, hanging his head in shame, “and ruining my family. We lost everything to you.”

“Queen Anora offered it all to the Wardens, I am sorry Nathaniel.” He wanted to hate her, tried so hard to. “Go ahead.”

He turned so quickly on his heels that he nearly stumbled over. Nathaniel stared wide-eyed at Kallia, not believing her expression was so calm. “I-I can’t. You aren’t the one I’m truly upset with.” His hands mused his hair as he paced around her tiny room. She had refused the master bedroom and opted for what used to be one of the guest rooms. Allowed him to have his old one back.

Now he felt sick. Whether it was from the alcohol or overwhelming guilt, he wasn’t certain.

“Please forget this, I’m not in my right state of mind.” Seeing her, her had a new desire, one he was no stranger to. He wanted her. The only thing stopping him was the gold ring sitting upon her finger; and the way the name “Alastair” fell from her lips when she believed no one was listening. He staggered as he turned from her, “Good night Comm-”

“Nathaniel, wait!” He paused, fear coiling in his gut and what would come. She would kill him, sheathe one of her daggers deep within his flesh. Kallia had every right to, Maker he just tried to assassinate her. It was inexcusable and even his whiskey-addled brain knew he couldn’t be forgiven. He truly was a monster like his father.

He tensed, waited for the blow as he heard her bare-feet smack against the stone floor, hated himself for how weak he was. It never came though. Curious, he turned to find the Warden-Commander standing before him. In her hand was no weapon, but the pity in her gaze cut more than any sword.

“I know the drive to seek revenge, I understand how it burns and drives you mad.” Did she understand how seeing her in a loose tunic with her small clothes visible drove fire through his veins? “Which is why I forgive you. I’m not sinless, you have every right to want me dead.” She reached out a pale hand and he flinched away from it. Kallia smiled, but didn’t withdraw; she stepped closer and pushed stray strands of his tangled hair out of his face.

It was… endearing to have her push up on her toes to reach him easier. Was this what being loved felt like? To be content despite having made an ass out of one’s self? “You don’t want to kill me?”

“No.”

“You should.”

She chuckled, “You are not the first person to want me dead. If I took every attempt personally, I would have gone to the deep roads long ago.”

Kallia began to pull her hand away when Nathaniel caught it and placed her palm on his cheek. “You’re so beautiful.” The words left his mouth with a wave of relief. Finally, they were out. He’d held onto them for so long that it had only added to his resentment. For several months, he’d spent much of his time resenting himself for having such thoughts. It was wrong to think them since she already had another, but it was insane to believe she could ever want him after what his father had done.

Since he had already abused her trust, he felt no need to hold back.

When she began to pull away, he used his free hand to cup the back of her head. “Don’t ignore me, I hate it. How can you not know my feelings for you?”

“Nathaniel,” she sighed, “I’m married.”

“And where is he? This Alistair?”

Pain twisted her face, but he was beyond contrition. “He needed to report to Weisshaupt. Someone had to inform them about the blight.”

“And yet, here you are. Alone. Kallia, you can’t lie to me by claiming not to be lonesome.”

“Nathaniel, you’re drunk. You don’t know what you’re suggesting-”

He’d heard enough; he was not going to waste the opportunity to turn his offense into a chance. A chance he had waited so long for. Nathaniel knew he would lose his nerve the next time. So he kissed her, drew her lips to his and took her words onto his tongue. Kallia reacted in a way he could have only dreamed, she kissed him back. Her arms wrapped around his neck as her body pulled flush to his.

Maker, was he dreaming?

Nathaniel was sure he had to be. Yet, here she was in his arms. Moaning as he pulled away from her lips in order to nip her ear. She shivered pleasantly, her fingers tangling in his already tousled hair. Kallia nearly knocked him over when she jumped and wrapped her legs around his waist. He staggered back until the door stopped him from falling. “Kallia,” he moaned into her hair, the feeling of her hips undulating against his nearly drove him to his knees. He wanted this, more than anything.

Her lips claimed his in a hungry fervor as he managed the coherent idea of moving to her bed. There were several times he had to turn his head just to breathe, she was surprisingly eager. Things progressed so quickly he could hardly keep up. His hands finding the bare skin under her tunic, her lips on his neck, her whimper as his hands ghost across her chest, fingers tugging at his hair, the tunic finding its way to the floor. Her skin was covered in sweat and his breathing came in labored pants.

His teeth tugged at the fabric of her breast band until her chest was bare; he wasted no time in suckling first one breast then the other. Her breaths were turning into moans. It was music to his ears. Nathaniel couldn’t give a nug’s ass if he had the broodmother of all hangovers in the morning, this moment was worth all the sovereigns in Theda-

“Alistair!”

Nathaniel froze, feeling as though he’d been blasted by an ice spell. Suddenly he just wasn’t drunk enough. He pulled away quickly, ignoring the sight of her scarred body in a scandalous state of undress. Now it was about to make him sick.

Once more, the Warden-Commander had looked right through him. Her mind stuck on a man she hadn’t seen for several months. In a moment of anger, his eyes landed on the abandoned dagger and he contemplated going through with his original intent.

“I’m sorry Nathaniel.” Her voice was distant. It wasn’t frantic or even emotional as it should have been. It was sickeningly apathetic. “You’re right, I was lonely, but I can’t just forget him for one moment of companionship.”

“No need to apologize,” he choked out, “it’s just the alcohol.”

“Nathan-”

“Good night, Commander.” With that, he quickly fled from her chambers. He tripped right into the hall and stumbled through familiar halls. Anders may have hailed him, but it was all a blur. All he knew was he wanted to keeping running, to disappear into the fade.

Once outside, he doubled over and emptied his stomach into the grass. The breeze had been freezing earlier, now he hoped he’d catch an pneumonia. Nathaniel had come to terms that he’d been the black sheep in his family, but Kallia had strung him along and made him feel worthy. He would not be fooled again.

Nathaniel regretted leaving Starkhaven.

“Been hitting the bottle a bit hard I see.” Nathaniel managed to force himself off of the ground and faced the stranger. The man had a sad smile on his face, the mabari at his side whimpered. “I’ve done that myself the last couple months, in my experience it’s usually over a woman.”

“Doesn’t matter,” he tried to sound firm, but his voice was too hoarse.

“You have my sympathies friend,” the man patted the dog’s head before moving passed Nathaniel. He did place a hand on Nathaniel’s shoulder in parting. “Well, I have to go report in to the Warden-Commander. I’ll properly introduce myself tomorrow.”

“The commander is in bed,” he snapped.

The stranger grinned widely, smoothing down his blond hair as he glanced down at the dog. His dark eyes light with mischief. “I have no doubt that she’ll be too eager to accept a visit from me. This meeting has been long overdue.” With that he turned, his cloak billowed out to reveal a Grey Warden breastplate.

“Come on Ajax, we’ve both waited long enough to see her again.” The stranger scratched the dog’s head with his left hand, the moonlight bounced off a golden band on one of his fingers. Ajax bounced around the Warden’s legs before running straight through the doors to the keep.

Nathaniel watched the stranger disappear inside before pressing his pounding head against the cool grass. The mysterious man should bother him, but he couldn’t comprehend why. He simply hoped that Kallia ripped him a new one for disturbing her. Better yet, he prayed that she was asleep when he woke her.

If only she would feel a fraction of the anger and pain that he felt. Perhaps, one day, he would forgive her.


End file.
